Those Dang Scars

It is amazing to me how things from the past affect things today. It is like a scar. Once it has wounded you it leaves a mark forever. I have a few scars. I fell when I was a child and cut my knee up pretty good and I have a permanent mark there. My daughter got run over by a wild and obnoxious boy and received stitches in her chin and she will bear that mark for the rest of her life (barring cosmetic surgery). Some of our scars have nothing to do with anything about what we have done; like my kiddo. Some are directly related to our stupidity; like me driving my tricycle off the edge of an elevated driveway. Regardless, scars remain.

The problem is, whether related to our own ignorance or not, we bear those marks for a lifetime. Then suddenly, one day we look down and remember that painful moment and our mind flashes to that time. In life we have those marks of pain and discouragement. We somehow heal and move on. Then one day, out of the blue, we notice the scar and our heart beats extra fast and anxiety comes as if we were back in that moment. Sometimes it is a circumstance similar to that painful moment and we are immediately thrust back into that time in our life. We are conditioned to feel the pain all over again and suffer the same hurt we once felt.

I have come to accept that scars are a part of life. I hate them and despise them. I don't want anything to do with them and beat myself up every time I notice them. Many of my scars, I hate to admit, are a product of poor decision making. And I am haunted at times with those memories. I am fully covered in the blood and know that I am no longer in that place, and the pain I feel is less and less as time goes on. I have learned to submit those things to God and not carry them like unwanted baggage like I used to. But it still remains. There is no release for the scars.

Worry and doubt begin to make my throat tighten and my stomach turns as I hear news of what MIGHT be. Or I see a place that reminds me of a painful situation. I am thankful for the full knowledge of God's forgiveness and healing. I pray each day that God will give me greater acceptance of that reality. I heard some news this morning that began to send me to one of those undesirable places. Then, in a moment, I realized that it was outside my control and that God has a firm grip on my circumstances. So, today is going to be a glorious day...despite my scars.